Clarity 

Tighten wordy sentences
Long sentences are not necessarily wordy, nor are short sentences always concise.  A sentence is wordy if its meaning can be conveyed in fewer words.  There are three main types or wordiness; redundancies, empty or inflated phrases and needlessly complex structures.

Redundancies:

• Slaves were portrayed or stereotyped as lazy even though they were the main labor force of the South.

• Daniel is employed* at a rehabilitation center working as a physical therapist.

Empty or inflated phrases:

• The town of New Harmony, located in Indiana, was founded as a Utopian community.

• We will file the appropriate paper in the event that* we are unable to meet the deadline.

Needlessly complex structures:

• There is another videotape that tells the story of Charles Darwin and introduces the theory of evolution.

Prefer active verbs
As a rule, active verbs express meaning more vigorously than their duller counterparts--forms of the verb be or verbs in the passive voice.  Forms of be (be, am, is, are, was, were, being, and been) lack vigor because they convey no action.  Passive verbs lack strength because their subjects receive the action instead of doing it.

Although forms of be and passive verbs have legitimate uses, if an active verb can convey your meaning as well, USE IT!

FORM OF BE        A surge of power was responsible for the destruction of the coolant pumps.

PASSIVE             The coolant pumps were destroyed by a surge of power.

ACTIVE                A surge of power destroyed the coolant pumps.

Add needed words
Do not omit words necessary for grammatical or logical completeness.  Readers need to see at a glance how the parts of a sentence are connected.

Words in compound structures
    In compound structures, words are often omitted for economy:  Tom is a man who means what he says and [who] says what he means.  Such omissions are acceptable as long as the omitted word is common to both parts of the compound structure.

    If the shorter version defies grammar or idiom because of an omitted word is not common to both parts of the structure, the word must be put back in.

• Some of the regulars are acquaintances whom we see at work or live in the community.

The word who must be included because whom live in our community is not grammatically correct.

The word that
Add the word that if there is any danger of misreading without it.

• Many citizens do not believe the leaders of this administration are serious about reducing the deficit.

Without that, readers might at first think that the citizens don't believe the leader.

Words in comparisons
Comparisons should be between items that are alike.  To compare unlike items is illogical and distracting.

• Their starting salaries are higher than other professionals with more seniority.

Salaries must be compared with salaries, not with professionals.

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Hacker, Diana.  A Pocket Style Manual.  New York:  Bedford/St. Martin's.  2000.